Blade’s first Christmas started the night we celebrated with Meagan, before going to Saskatchewan to visit my side of the family. It was a Christmas I won’t soon forget. We went to the mall that night to see Santa and have the kid’s photo taken with him.
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| (Our car is being stolen right now) |
We took in the sights and sounds of Christmas and saw Santa before leaving the mall to discover that our car had been stolen! I was absolutely heart-broken. My wallet, Blade’s car seat, everything!!! Gone! Who would do such a thing just days before Christmas!? How would we get to my mom and dad’s place now!? I swore, I cried and I did what any self-respecting adult would do….I called my Mommy!
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| That's my Mom, riding in to save the day! |
The moment she heard the sobbing sound of my voice, (she’s heard me upset once or twice over the years) she donned her cape and assured me that Christmas was not ruined, and that I would be home for the holidays if she had to hire Santa himself to get us there! By the end of that evening she had called with our flight itinerary. Even still, I cried most of that night because I felt hurt and violatedL
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| Mom got a great deal!! |
The next day, I used the money Mom had wired and bought Blade a new car seat, our flight was due to leave the following day. After that, I went through the McDonald’s drive-thru to get Ronan and Blade a bite to eat. I wished the girl who served me, a Merry Christmas and went to sleep that night feeling much better about the world.
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| At least we still get to go home:) |
We were getting ready to go in the morning when I checked our bank account and discovered that all of our money was gone! It was there yesterday, gone today! It didn’t take long to realize that the last transaction I made was at McDonalds. Long story short, the girl at the window saw my pin #, kept my card, and withdrew all the money as soon as her shift ended. The smile she gave me as she wished me a Merry Christmas played over and over again in my head. How could she do that to me!? I felt victimized, angry and hurt all over again, I worried I’d never be able to trust anyone ever againL We flew to Regina where my Mom picked us up, making us feel like us being there was a gift to her.
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| Nana gushing:) |
Before the end of a wonderful winter visit with our family and friends, my Dad and Ronan went car shopping and purchased a 1995 Chrysler New Yorker. It was in great shape and we got it for an ok price. The Royal Bank in Esterhazy was awesome and had my stolen money back in our bank account within days! All was right with the world as we drove back to Edmonton in our new (to us) car.
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| New to us! |
Just 15 minutes shy of the city something went wrong with the car. It wasn’t good, the engine light was on and things smelled really bad! We pulled quite far off to the side because we were close to the city limits and the Yellow Head was dark and busy. In all our efforts to catch our flights on time we had forgotten our cell phone. It was the beginning of January at 7pm, the three of us (we hoped if people saw 9 month old Blade in my arms they’d stop) stood outside to try and wave someone down. We were so lucky a little boy had to pee on the other side of the highway, Ronan ran across and they came over and let us keep warm in their truck while we waited for a tow truck. The car cost a little more than a thousand dollars to fix…..now I was really beginning to feel a little fcked over in life.
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| Woe is me:( |
I was thinking about that Christmas this afternoon while Carson slept next to me on the couch. Everything that happened that Christmas was such a big deal, and probably resulted in a good, 3 month long depression. I am a little embarrassed about how dramatic I was over that car (especially that old boat), the money that was gone for 48 hrs, and a water pump!? I used to lose a lot of sleep at night because of the reactions I chose toward the circumstances of our life.
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| Those days have long since passed, now, when I have an opportunity, I sleep like a log! |
Carson is sick with strep throat, scarlet fever, and a urinary tract infection (cause there is always one of those). Seizures are a fairly regular part of Carson’s life but when he is sick his seizure threshold is lower and he seizes several times a day. Ronan and I have strep as well, I am still feeling the itch from the scarlet fever rash. There were very few outings during our Christmas holiday. We had very little company and I slept a lot! It was nothing like I had planned (not that any year ever is;)
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| My poor little boy felt pretty tough over the holidays:( |
I have come a long way since the Blade’s first Christmas. I have learned to appreciate an uneventful Christmas filled with traditions that travel. Our family will enjoy Christmas whether we are at home sick, with family in Saskatchewan, in a broken down car, or gathered around a hospital bed. A few years ago I would have felt pretty hard done by after a Christmas like the one we just had. I have learned to cope with worry, live with the unknown, and I try not to forget where we’ve come from!
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| Me, if it weren't for the amazing friends and family who offer unconditional, unwavering love:) |
Meagan gave me the softest pajamas for Christmas, I am not sure if it was her or her mom who picked them out, either way, they make me feel appreciated and cared for. I dosed off comfortably between episodes of vomiting and seizures (the Bailey’s in my coffee helps to facilitate the dosing;). Carson is warm and still and seems to have an insatiable appetite for snuggles. Blade rocks out happily to Guitar Hero when he is not lying in a sea of Hot Wheels or challenging us to game of Cranium. The drapes are drawn, no school has been missed, no appointments or meetings have been cancelled. We just need to lay in our amazingly soft pj’s, in our warm house, full of great smells and fun games and toys and get well again.
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| Blade rockin out! |
Life has changed me so much in so many ways. I look at photos of myself before I was a mother and I struggle to remember what it was like to be her. Old photos used to make me sad, I longed to be reckless, fun, care-free, and unorganized like I was back then.
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| Crusing in the van on a rainy summer day:) |
It took a long time to get comfortable with seizures, infections, constipation, medications, chest physio and g-tube feeding. I didn’t think it was possible, but now, when I look at old photos I see something different; Not only was I care-free, with a head full of different dreams, I was a girl who lacked direction and desperately needed life to put me in my element because I was too thick to get there on my own!
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| I have a different angle on life now;) |
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